I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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