the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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