I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
