Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
