I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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