hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
