I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
