Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
