you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
