it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
