I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
