no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
