Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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