you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
