all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
