his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
