Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
