I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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