No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
