Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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