I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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