Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
