At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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