ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
