i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
