i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
