just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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