I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
