If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
