WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
