I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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