I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My feet surprised me
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