can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
