I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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