I puked a lego.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
