just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
