I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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