32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
