Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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