The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
