Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
