my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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