I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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