Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i can't believe i had my finger in that
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
