Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
