you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
