I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
