I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
