When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
