guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
