I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
