Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
