It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
