thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
