I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
