dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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