Cold hands, warm shart.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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