The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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