he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
