A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
