Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
MIDGETS
????
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
