Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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