Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
